Remember the scene in Batman Returns, when Catwoman has Batman pinned down and...licks him? We were shopping yesterday evening and Richard mentioned how sexy that scene was. I don't usually remember anything about movies, but I remember THAT. Scorching. (In fact, I went to Wikipedia to make sure I had the right movie, and I didn't remember anything else about it. Penguin wants to rehabilitate his image?? He attacks the city with robo-penguins??)

I asked him why that would be sexy to us, given that I'm a submissive woman and he's a dominant man. He said "She fought back. She didn't win, but she was a worthy opponent."

Mostly I do what I'm told.

"Spread your legs."

"Wider."

"Masturbate. Now."

"Show me."

But yesterday morning was different.

My nipples were a bit tender, from a combination of the time in my cycle, and wearing a teensy little bikini the day before that rubbed them a bit, and rough handling from Richard. I was still groggy, just waking up, when Richard began teasing them. It felt nice at first, because he was barely brushing against them, but then his touch got firmer and they started to hurt.

If I had been wide awake, I would probably have said "That kind of hurts." Usually he would stop if I said that, or change pressure. Instead, I whimpered and tried to pull away.

Bad idea. Richard growled low in his throat and pulled me closer. I looked up at him, startled, and saw The Look.

The Look. That's when Richard enters Predator mode, or at least that's how I think of it. I seem to set it off when I act like prey - try to escape, or whimper, or squeal. If I run, he immediately makes chase. It's primal. It's scary.

He grabbed my wrists and pinned them over my head with one hand. With the other, he began to play with my breasts harder.

Surprisingly, they no longer hurt so badly, maybe because he was handling my whole breast rather than just the nipples. Plus he was dead sexy, so I was getting really turned on, really fast. My breasts can take much rougher handling when I'm aroused.

He kicked my legs apart and shoved into me. It took three or four tries, because I couldn't guide him in with my arms above my head. It's such a contrast, the hard ramming against me and then, suddenly, sliding so easily into my wetness.

He let go of my arms so that he could grab me by the ass and re-position me. He slammed into me a few more times. Then. He paused for a second, reached down and grabbed my nipple. Hard.

I lost it. I started fighting back. Richard says I was saying things that didn't make sense. I bit him on the face. I hit him on the back and shoulders. I tried to buck him off. I growled. Through it all, Richard held on to my nipple and slam-fucked me down into the mattress.

When he released the pressure on my nipple I would stop fighting and fuck him back. Then he would grab a nipple again and I would shriek and buck and bite - his neck, his shoulders, his face. But I couldn't have told you at the time that that was what was happening. I was a complete animal.

Once when I bit him particularly hard, Richard slapped me in the face, then grabbed me by the hair to hold my face away from him. Then he fucked me some more.

After what felt like hours of this - fucking, fighting, fucking - Richard pulled off me. We were both exhausted. He kissed me, he told me he loved his wild girl, then he told me to get up and go to the bathroom.

I gave him my own Look. The Look said something like "Make me" or "Whatever." Not a look that this good girl is likely to give, but I HATE when he tells me to go to the bathroom.

I started to get up, but he grabbed me and pulled me back down.

"Oh no. I don't think so. You're not getting up now."

"You're going to masturbate for me."

"Please. I'm tired. I don't want to." (sounding progressively whinier)

"Masturbate. Now."

I began to masturbate, but my heart wasn't in it. Or my cunt. Or my clit.

I even tried to talk him out of making me as I did.

"I'm so tired. Why do I have to? Can I stop now?"

He ignored me, and began to play with my breasts again, but more gently.

"Pleeeeeease."

"That is the most pathetic attempt at masturbating I have ever seen. Do I need to hurt you to get you to masturbate for me?"

I got a little more focused.

He played with my breasts and I got closer to cumming. He can tell when I'm close; I start holding my breath, my belly gets tight and quivers, I get really quiet.

But I was tired, so I wasn't cumming.

"I've been waiting long enough. Im going to play rougher with you now."

He grabbed both nipples and began twisting and pulling. It pushed me over and I was cumming, cumming so hard I couldn't breathe or see or think.

He slammed back into me and it felt so sweet, so good, every thrust I pushed up against him and again and again and he came and filled me and collapsed on me and I held him against me.

And maybe I licked him, and maybe I didn't. But I reckon I'm a worthy opponent.

Hey little girl is your daddy home
Did he go away and leave you all alone?
...I got a bad desire
...I'm on fire - Bruce Springsteen

I've always loved the menace of those lines. And I love the way it showcases the Daddy/little girl dynamic that Amy has posted about.

She and I have been finding our own way through an unusual relationship, one that isn't part of the mainstream, and yet in so many ways sits squarely astride classic Middle America values. There are days when I'm Ricky Fucking Ricardo bending Lucy over his knee for a good old fashioned spanking.

Seriously, how far back does the image of the husband commanding his wife go back? And yet, it's not exactly who we are.

Amy doesn't need discipline.

So we aren't exactly Ricky and Lucy.

And do we need to define ourselves at all?

Will the thought police show up and drag me off as a perv if I call her "baby", and if she calls me her "stallion," will they round her up as a potential horse fucker?

Daddy/Little Girl.

It's a dynamic, not literal.

Amy posted about how Master/slave didn't capture the dynamic; nor did owner/owned. Neither does husband/wife.

Amy has two other nicknames for me - "The Boss," and "The Bad Man." On a good day, maybe "The Bad, Bad, Baaaaaad Man."

But our relationship involves a more nurturing role for me. And Amy is not a pain slut who craves constant discipline. Amy is eager to be a very good girl. Disobedience is simply out of the question for her.

So.

What kind of relationship has a woman very eager to obey her partner, without question, and have him make the decisions and care for her needs?

For us, it's a Daddy/girl dynamic.

It's the most accurate descriptor for how the two of us interact.

In some ways it feels VERY vanilla. I mean, it's a common theme in mainstream culture, from music to books to sugar daddies and typical flirtation between couples. For me, I grew up in an arch-conservative evangelical Protestant religion. We had an elderly couple in our church, pillars as it were - easily the most influential couple in our little community. He was on the church board, an elder, etc., and his wife, a white haired beehive fashion plate, led out almost weekly in some part of the service, and often referred to her husband.

She called him "Daddy."

On formal occasions, she would add his last name after the word "Daddy."

Maybe they were kinksters.

I think of the deep south. Cat on a Hot Tin Roof - Big Daddy. I see the Daddy/little girl dynamic almost everywhere - it appears to be timeless.

That will reassure Amy. She's still convinced she's vanilla.

But for now, who's your Daddy?

Amy, I'm your Daddy.

This is a hard post to write. It's taken me several months to become comfortable with being sexually submissive. I've written about how I've wrestled with the term "slave", as well as the reality of being one.

This is harder. I'm afraid I'm going to squick some of you out. I could squick myself out if I'm not careful.

Richard has forced me, over the last few months, to face who I am, to look into the dark parts of myself and, rather than run and hide, to look harder. This doesn't come naturally to me, and it has been scary. But, as I said to the silent male, it is incredible how easy everything is once you open up to who you really are, instead of trying to hide it or ignore it. So here goes the next step in that evolution.

Richard and I have talked about how the Master/slave dynamic doesn't feel 100% right to us, nor does "owner/owned". One of my problems is that I feel much more nurtured by Richard than those terms seem to imply. I feel like I have a more exclusive and intimate relationship with him than a slave would have with her Master. After all, a Master could have several slaves, yes?

Richard has called me "girl" since he's known me. Recently he's been calling me "little girl" and even "baby girl". I LOVE it when he calls me that. It feels so completely right. It says to me: he's in control and he will take care of me. All I need to do is be a good girl and do what I'm told. Heaven.

I told him that I wished there was a good word for who he is for me.

He said "What about Daddy?"

I said I felt funny using that word. Wouldn't that mean I had serious unresolved issues with my own father? Wouldn't that mean I was a screwed up freak? He didn't think so.

I tiptoed around the word. I tested it out a couple of times during sex, mumbling it into Richard's shoulder as he fucked me. It felt weird. Not good.

I realized that calling Richard "Daddy" made me feel more vulnerable and more submissive than I was yet comfortable with. I couldn't believe that he could still love me and be attracted to me if I were that submissive. I still can't quite wrap my head around the fact that, the more submissive I am, the happier Richard is. I guess I've been around men who've wanted to be dommed for most of my life.

To put this in perspective: just a year ago, I learned that many men like women to shave their pussies (yes, I've been living in a closet). I thought that men who like this must be closet pedophiles, since young girls have bare pussies. Uh, no. Richard, at least, loves anything that lets him see more of me (remind me to tell you about my new micro bikini. Gulp.)

So what to do about this issue of what to call Richard? I've been calling him "Sir" when he gives me an order, Richard in front of others, and basically avoiding the issue.

Richard doesn't like to avoid issues. Richard doesn't like for me to avoid issues.

A few days ago, I woke up to him playing with my breasts. When he saw that I was awake he began talking to me.

"Daddy's girl has beautiful breasts."

I moaned and tried to pull away. He clamped down on my nipples and pulled me back against him.

"Be a good girl. Daddy wants to play with your breasts."

He wrapped one arm tight around my waist so I couldn't move and roughly tugged and pulled and pinched my nipples. I struggled weakly, but I was still groggy and he had a strong grip on me.

"Does that feel good? Tell Daddy how it feels."

Oh god. It felt incredible. It felt so good, and I was still so groggy, that I wasn't capable of answering. He kept playing with me and talking to me and when he flipped me onto my back and entered me a few minutes later, I was so wet it startled him.

"Oooooh, Daddy's girl wants to fuck, doesn't she? Are you a slut, little girl?"

Gah.

Afterwards, we talked about it. He had decided to push me on this, because he could sense that I had a lot of feelings around it. It turned us both on. A lot.

Today when he was fucking me, he told me that I wasn't allowed to call him "Sir" anymore, only "Daddy".

I've been calling him "Daddy" all day. It feels really hot. And really right.

I've never liked roller coasters, or thrill rides.

I don't like giving up control and putting myself at the mercy of someone else's creation.

I don't ride them.

They scare me. I've never ridden anything remotely scary. Never wanted too.

I went with my boys yesterday to Disneyland, and we did a few different rides - Indiana Jones, Pirate of the Caribbean, etc. Big stuff, for me. But, they wanted something a little edgier, but they know I don't go on roller coasters. Ever.

But they didn't want to go on something without me.

So, I pushed my comfort zone a little when we went to the California Adventure part. Went on the Grizzly something water ride. Scarier than I liked, but within reason. I went backwards down this big water hill - about as bad as I can imagine. I tried the flight simulator that flies over California landmarks, that I was afraid of, and that was cool.

So I suggested the Thunder Run train/roller coaster thing. I just focused on my immediate surroundings, and did ok. We took it again later, and I found myself looking around as we did it.

Not so bad. Should have been scarier, but it wasn't. Easily the scariest thing I've been on, but not so bad.

So.

Space Mountain.

Waited an hour and a half.

No fear in the lineup. Felt fine on the starting gate.

Felt great going up the first hill.

No problems. Shot through space like a wild thing, got slammed around and had a most unusual high speed fast turning adventure.

I could do that again.

I will do it again.

My boys tell me it's pretty tame, maybe a 4 out of 10. Whatever it is, it's not something I need to resist anymore, and I'm game to try bigger, wilder rides.

Heights, loss of control - those are some of my biggest fears. But at the right time, they turned out to be nothing.

I expect Amy to push her comfort zone. Nothing wrong with me pushing my own too.


Training myself, these days.

Cool.