Comments on: BDSM or abuse?

By: Thursday's Child

Thursday's Child — Tue, 20 Nov 2007 06:32:18 +0000

Very well said, Amy. I completely agree with everything you said in this post. It is very hard, if not impossible to judge a relationship from someone’s blog. I like what you said about self-esteem and how it makes you feel better about yourself - I’ve got more to say, but I’m having trouble finding the words tonight. I grew up in an abusive household, so maybe it’s that I’m always on the lookout for potential harm in others’ relationships…but I’m just not able to say things how I want to tonight. I’m just tongue-tied, for once.

By: Amy

Amy — Tue, 20 Nov 2007 03:03:15 +0000

Thanks Bunny!

Juli, the name of the book you read made me laugh out loud. The one I recommended is for people who really aren’t sure whether they should leave or not. I’m guessing you knew lol. : ) Glad it’s better for you now.

Kat, thanks and you are blessed indeed to have a husband who supports you.

SSS, I really do make better bread too! I’ve recently stepped up to sourdough and am really enjoying the challenge. BTW, I really enjoy your blog.

By: Sweat Shop Sissy

Sweat Shop Sissy — Mon, 19 Nov 2007 22:58:36 +0000

“I have been in some less-than-healthy relationships in my past, all vanilla. I honestly think it was because I was *looking* for a D/s relationship, but didn’t know it - didn’t even know what it was.”

That is so True.

btw, I make better bread now then I did before!

cheers,

sss

By: Kat

Kat — Mon, 19 Nov 2007 04:34:41 +0000

Amy, loved your comments, and feel strongly the same way. I think i’ve been looking for that same D/s relationship since I was a teenager. My husband tries to accommodate me, which is a blessing. And remember all, as long as both people are comfortable with events, what happens in the bedroom (or living room, or car, or where ever) stays in the bedroom.

By: Juli

Juli — Mon, 19 Nov 2007 01:24:29 +0000

Very good points made.

Sometimes our inner selves know what we want.. we just don’t see it and end up in less then adequate situations.

My book that opened my eyes was Ditch the Jerk. It was real good but one i read AT WORK only. If he would of found that… omg… i dont know what would of become of me.

VERY nice post!!!

By: Bunny

Bunny — Sun, 18 Nov 2007 23:46:07 +0000

Excellent points made here. Thank you.

By: Amy

Amy — Sun, 18 Nov 2007 23:29:14 +0000

Megan, I’ve found more confusion and concern than judgment. Which is kinda sweet, albeit misguided.: )

Rori, I agree completely. Thx for your thoughts.

Amyelle, Yes and you’ve just demonstrated my point exactly that it’s so contextual. It’s never, I think, that a particular statement or action equals abuse, it’s the outcome - how you feel at the end of the day.

By: AmyElle

AmyElle — Sun, 18 Nov 2007 23:03:48 +0000

Very well said Amy. While He did recently tell me to “suck it up” I was well aware of the cues I can use that would make it immediately stop. I too feel less stressed, more beautiful, and all around happier in this relationship. Having been in an abusive one before, I am well aware of how negative I felt about myself. It’s so incredibly different.

By: Rori

Rori — Sun, 18 Nov 2007 18:27:03 +0000

err…BDSM… I don’t know why I always type that incorrectly. It always flies off my fingers the wrong way for some reason lol.

By: Rori

Rori — Sun, 18 Nov 2007 18:25:59 +0000

Great post. I have a real problem with some people who think they are in a healthy BSDM relationship but are really just being abused. If you don’t feel good about yourself and happy in your relationship, it becomes abuse. After all, any relationship should be a happy one, whether their is pain involved or not. Thanks for an awesome perspective on this from someone in a BSDM relationship!