Pets and training
A lot of things happen to me on our stairwell. Richard has grabbed me and fucked me there a few times, and photographed me (including I think the first pic of me posted on this blog, right before a spanking, and one in my “wiggle dress”). A couple of days ago we were walking down it, having a discussion about my collar, and I got in trouble right there on the stairs (Richard is planning to write about this, so I won’t say anything else about it.)
Anyway. I was walking down the stairs yesterday morning, to make coffee and get the newspaper for Richard. The dogs were tumbling around me, and I thought about how I have trained them. And I realized that Richard has trained me in exactly the same way.
The dog I had before these dogs was hell on wheels. It wasn’t Trixie’s fault; she was a breed that is specialized for specific tasks and is very high energy. I “clicker trained” her and trained her to both voice command and hand signals. Which required a lot of reading and a lot of practice and a lot of frustration. At the end, I had a dog who behaved well on a lead when there were no other stimuli around. Otherwise all bets were off. I never felt connected to her. I would look in her eyes and there was crazy there. She did exactly what she was told to do when she was told to do it, but that was it.
When I got the first of the dogs we have now, I was too busy to train her right away (except to a lead, “come” and “sit”, of course). I’m so glad now that I didn’t. Five years later, she responds immediately to any command I give, on leash or off, other stimuli or no. (This isn’t completely true; if Richard has his camera out she will not leave his side because she loves the reflection from the lens.)
The other dogs, who I have not had for as long, are exactly the same. I don’t know if they learned from her or if it’s because we are almost inseparable. The latter is what I want to talk about in re Richard’s training of me.
Richard isn’t into protocols and training regimes and lots of rules. Sometimes I think it would be fun to have more of that kind of dynamic (it’s sexy!) but mostly I’m glad. We’re both busy people and clearly don’t need all that for me to feel submissive to him, and him to feel ownership of me. However, we have both noticed that I obey him instinctively and often even anticipate his needs and wishes. And my obedience and anticipation are getting stronger and more pronounced with time.
What I realized on the stairs (I finally get to this - jeez) is that: the dogs obey me immediately and completely at a level that I never expected, especially without explicit training. They know me and what I want and need because they are with me constantly and pay close attention to me at all times. I know them for the same reasons. And I let them know what I want while at the same time trusting them not to need the uber-control of clickers and hand signals and all that. I respect their dog nature, if you will.
Similarly, I am able to obey and serve Richard at a level that (he tells me) he never experienced before, even though he has been involved with someone who saw herself as a high protocol slave (I realized as I wrote this that you could compare her quite aptly with Trixie). I think that’s because we are always together and I am always paying close attention to him (as he does me). He doesn’t choose to micro-manage me. He tells me what he wants, and then trusts me to get it right (Richard says that I should add “and he gets cranky when I don’t” lol). He respects my slave nature (grin).
This post was a lot trickier to write than I expected! We have a big day ahead of us, so I’ll stop now. I’m keen to see what others’ experiences have been with this. How do you trade off explicit training/ control with simply knowing your Master/Owner/Daddy or partner?
xoAmy
hi amy. i think that’s a really interesting question. i personally have struggled with the kind of laid-back form of submission that you just described, but i think that ultimately it is a more complete kind of submission. i mean, if your owner/partner has to do lots of stuff, kind of like your trixie and her clicker (was that a border collie by chance? :)), to keep you submissive, who is really submitting to whom?
i had a whole problem with this in the spring. my owners were in kind of a laid back place, and trying to be that way with me because my mother had just died. i started whining and complaining about how i didn’t really feel any of the D/s in our relationship. understanding that my submission was being expressed through my attentive company, even if it was absent of any nakedness or spanking or whatever, was really hard for me. i think of overcoming that hurdle as a big movement in my submission.
i think the fact that i don’t live with them and they are not my partner makes the situation very different, but still i congratulate you for the way that you are able to keep your submission as such a relaxed and ultimately present part of your life.
it’s not easy for everyone. 
Comment by persephone — August 13, 2008 @ 11:34 am
Excellent question. I feel much the same way you do–I kind of think more structure and a few more ritualized expectations would be nifty, but ultimately I’m glad we’re not really into that. I have too much to do already! And it isn’t necessary IF I’m paying attention. I suppose for some folks, the explicit command structure, repeated long enough, becomes that sort of instinctive behavior, and then the command structure moves behind the scenes, as it were. I wonder what that’s like–would the s-type feel sadness at the loss of rules? or happy that they’d moved past the need?
Comment by SeekerofWisdom — August 13, 2008 @ 2:38 pm
Hi Amy, what a fascinating post. I did notice something missing tho…there are many lovely shots of you, but none I can find of Richard! Maybe I have missed a link?
Love your blog, a really great read
Comment by Shelly — August 13, 2008 @ 3:48 pm
Training… hmmm… I’ve been giving that a lot of thought lately. I think I prefer that sort of instinctual growth, rather than the overt stuff you mention.
“However, we have both noticed that I obey him instinctively and often even anticipate his needs and wishes. And my obedience and anticipation are getting stronger and more pronounced with time.”
Time, yes, and trust.
Am I correct in assuming that you aren’t the only one that anticipates? That Richard has also, over time, grown to anticipate your needs as his little girl?
It’s a fine balance, isn’t it? Which takes time to fine-tune.
Comment by Sulpicia — August 13, 2008 @ 9:40 pm
I wish I could get my children to be as obedient as your dogs
Comment by havingmycake — August 14, 2008 @ 3:22 am
Not many pics of me out there, Shelly. I’m not as photogenic as Amy! And Sulpicia I do think I have grown to anticipate Amy’s needs, as well as the ways in which she communicates, which can be subtle and indirect. One has to listen closely to catch the true meaning at times.
Comment by Richard — August 14, 2008 @ 8:29 am
persephone, I WISH I were able to keep my submission ever-present.
Come to think of it, I bet Richard wishes that too lol.
SeekerofWisdom - I absolutely agree - nifty but no time! And the paying attention is crucial.
Shelly, You are absolutely right! I keep telling him we need to photograph him. Keep up the clamoring readers!
Sulpicia, Yep, time and trust. And Richard knows me inside out. It’s wonderful but also a little scary (as you can imagine, knowing what he’s like).
havingmycake - Boy, me too! Have you tried clickers on them?
Daddy, you are every bit as (if not more than) photogenic as me. You just don’t wanna. Subtle and indirect communication? Hmm, have I been insulted? *kiss*
Comment by Amy — August 14, 2008 @ 8:49 am
Pictures of Richard, please.
I think your unprompted obedience is just a manifestation of the successfulness of your relationship.
Comment by Z — August 16, 2008 @ 3:12 pm
I am so glad that we are not alone in this! I read about others who do have the rules and protocols with strict training and part of me always wonders if something is wrong with us,if we’re less D/s, etc. So thank you for once again letting me know that we’re not alone in our dynamics. How awesome that you and I seem to be so alike in so many ways!
*hugs*
Comment by The Butterfly Temptress — August 17, 2008 @ 6:41 pm
Z, I think you only get one vote, even if you repeat it.
Buttefly Temptress, thank YOU for letting me know that I’m not alone. That means a lot.
xoAmy
Comment by Amy — August 18, 2008 @ 3:43 pm
Am I the only one that remembers that picture that was posted here oh so long ago with that other woman where Richard is fully visible? I believe Amy had put it up because it was something that Richard had taken prior to their relationship. She may have been having insecurity issues so mea culpa if I just brought up something bad. I just recall it being beautifully composed, Richard was visible in profile and is quite handsome for those of you that don’t remember that picture. Is there a place where more of Richard’s photograph is viewable? His talent always just blows me away.
Comment by jdsgirl — August 19, 2008 @ 7:57 am