D/s on the beach
Richard and I were talking about how emotionally *smart* a lot of the comments were on my last post (Master/slave issues). Except, I guess, for the first poster, who simply expressed a desire to “fuck you so fuckin hard all anal and shit ill be yo bitch”. Now I know who to call when I need a bitch. : ) Anyway, it’s nice to know that we’ve got such bright, thoughtful and articulate readers out there.
We had a beach barbecue a couple of days ago, which was fun until the area was over-run with high school kids celebrating the end of the year. They were cute at the beginning of the evening, but then they started drinking and things got a bit wild.
Richard commented on how many of the male-female interactions seemed to be D/s-ish in flavor. Basic stuff like throwing sand or sticking it down a girl’s bikini, or flicking her with a towel. Grabbing something that she was holding and keeping it out of her reach. Several times we saw a guy pick up a girl, throw her over his shoulder and carry her into the water. And of course there was lots of, as Richard calls it, “pseudo-wrestling”, when a boy would grab a girl and throw her down onto the sand. The girls would squeal through all of this but they were always laughing and looked happy with the attention, in spite of it all looking relatively coercive.
Then there were the couples, laying on towels and cuddling. The guy would roll over and grab the girl’s wrists and hold them over her head. The girl would struggle and laugh and they would end up wrestling for a bit before returning to cuddling.
Richard thinks it’s because most people are more D/s than they realize; that vanilla people really aren’t as vanilla as they think they are. That makes sense to me, at least from my own life, but I get nervous saying that because I don’t want to imply that Maledom/Femsub is “normal” and anything else is kink/perversion. To be clear, Richard doesn’t think that either; he’s very cool with everyone’s kink, I’m guessing he would just say that everybody’s kinky in their own way and some kinks (eg M/f D/s) are more common than others. What do y’all think?
Interesting… I think there is a certain amount of M/f/D/s that is inherent in most sexual interaction, as observed in this post. We are educated to believe that boys pursue and girls give in, or flee, and this is borne out by experience, literature, cultural references, whatever - and often the female is the smaller, physically weaker partner.
I have a theory that this is why, with the advent of the internet and more diffusion of knowledge and experiences, so many women are encouraged to explore their submissive side (”I like it when he pins me down, maybe I’m submissive?” - and in there as well is also a need to label and identify our sexuality. Obviously there’s more to submission and dominance than that, as many people discover). I think it’s also why F/m/D/s has more of a struggle for acceptance, because it seems to work against societal norms unless it is dressed up in acceptably male-fantasy clothing(”Me? Submissive? Now way! But hey, she was wearing a PVC corset and cracking a whip, who wouldn’t submit!”)
God, sex is complicated sometimes
Comment by Z — June 20, 2008 @ 10:24 pm
i just think it’s a regular old-fashioned dynamic i.e., man is strong, woman is weak. Go back before women’s lib, this dynamic was the norm in most male/female relationships. Man said what he wanted, woman did it without protest. Man went to work and got taken care of when he came home, woman was mostly happy to serve and do those things for him. I know there was a problem back then with respect (the man was usually much more respected than the stay-at-home housewife) and I know that many women were struggling against the old-fashioned ideals back then because they weren’t listened to or had alot of choice in their daily lives (hey, there’s the M/s dynamic, what do you know?!)
Nowadays this dynamic seems to have become D/s or M/s, but before the late 60’s, early 70’s, man being the boss, woman being at home and obeying was quite the norm. Every man was a head of household and no one ever questioned it. And no, I’m not saying the women’s lib was a bad thing! But boy do I feel it screwed up alot of basic relationship “rules!” It’s the whole man leads, woman follows from the beginning of time.
Comment by jdsgirl — June 21, 2008 @ 5:25 am
I’ll stick with Richard is good at observing people and leave it at that. :p
Comment by Ofia — June 21, 2008 @ 9:28 am
Strikes me you only have to look at the covers of conventional bodice ripper novels throughout the past few decades to see that the idea of the dominant male is ingrained in the mainstream.
Comment by Luka — June 21, 2008 @ 12:51 pm
Z, isn’t it odd how complicated it can get, when sex is really such a simple thing? Except it’s not, I guess, because it’s not just a physical behavior, it’s a social behavior too.
jdsgirl, I’m with you that feminism caused a lot of relationship confusion, although maybe that’s a good thing? Confusion means that you look more carefully at things that shouldn’t be taken for granted, maybe. I don’t see much in common between Richard’s & my relationship and 50s relationships. We’ve talked about this specific point many times, because sometimes Richard will joke that we’re just a throwback (to the 50s, or caveman days, or something). But I would HATE to live in the world my mother lived in. I probably would be the domliest Domme of all time if I was back then, just to get a chance to beat on the smug, self-satisfied men of that time. lol I think I sense another post!
Ofia: Chicken!
Luka: ooOOoo it has been years since I’ve looked at a bodice ripper. I think I need to do some research!
Comment by Amy — June 21, 2008 @ 7:41 pm
Re: “What do you think”
I think you need a good spanking, that’s what I think.
And then I think you guys should send me pictures *grins!!!*
Oh, you meant about the topic at hand? Well forgive me for still having happy dreams and heavy withdrawals in regards to your sexy squeals!!!
Comment by megan — June 21, 2008 @ 9:12 pm
The important thing is that you have both found something that works. If it don’t suit everybody, so be it.
You really have a great blog. Take care and all the best from Sweden,
tina (owned IRL)
Comment by tinaslut — June 22, 2008 @ 2:20 pm
Right, the world for women in the 1950’s was stifling and all the other adjectives that apply. I still maintain that that man/woman dynamic isn’t any different than D/s or M/s.
Comment by jdsgirl — June 24, 2008 @ 11:00 am