Fucker
That’s what I called Richard the other day when he was making me masturbate (for the second time that night!). He was being meaner even than usual, making me beg to come, making me say I was a slut, caressing my nipples and then suddenly flicking them so hard I’d squeal, then scolding me and covering my mouth so I wouldn’t make noise.
I tell him I hate him irregularly, when he’s being mean like that. But that’s so clearly not true that he’s never even commented on it. This was different. I think it shocked both of us.
Afterwards, after I’d come, I tentatively brought it up as we were cuddling. I was feeling very guilty about it. At first Richard was joking about what punishment he should give me, but then he could tell it was bothering me a lot and he said “Baby girl, I WANT you to lose control during sex. That’s hot to me. Calling me names - that’s you losing control. How can I punish you when you’re doing what I want?”
Whew. That made me feel much better. Plus I was happy not to get punished, of course. But I’d a million times rather be punished than feel like I’ve let Richard down or insulted him.
I thought about this when I went on Fetlife today for the first time (oh that’s fun! lots of fellow bloggers there! everybody should join! come be my friend on Fetlife!) There is a group called something like Submissive Females and they had a thread about “Things Not to Say to Your Dom”. Stuff like “make me” or “is that all you’ve got?” or…”fucker”, for example. I noticed there were three general kinds of comments, and it made me realize (again) what a big tent BDSM is - very, very different kinks and turn-ons, all under the same roof.
The first kind of comment was the “oops” kind, like I make (”fucker” and “now we’re even” come to mind). It seemed like those kind came from subs like me, who were just going about their daily D/s life and slipped up occasionally, being human and all. (Am I lobbying? hehe maybe)
The second kind of comment seemed to be flirtatious or looking for trouble, like saying “make me” or telling your Dom that he looks cute on his knees. These comments came from self-proclaimed “brats”, where the dynamic is less about obedience and more about challenging/forcing. Also sexy, but a different kink from ours.
The third kind of comment made my jaw drop, because I am NOT a masochist. Those were made during a scene, saying things like “that all you got?” or “I’ve had worse from better”. Wow. I just can’t even imagine saying something like that, because I would be so, so scared about what would happen next. Their skin must be made differently from mine.
To make things even, I think it would be fun to talk about “What you don’t want to hear a Dom say”. Off the top of my head, I would think “This is gonna hurt you more than it’s gonna hurt me”. And then, from my real life (pre-BDSM, so not a Dom), in the bedroom: “What do you want me to do for you? Tell me what would make you feel good.” Blechblechblechblech. A) Quelle submissive, which is unlikely to turn me on, and B) figure it out for yourself!
We’ve just had a lovely day sans kidlets. Went to the pool and now we’re having a tequila sunrise. I made lasagna and chili for later in the week (both taste better after a couple of days) and Richard just made one of his yummy stir-fries. Hope you’re having a wonderful Saturday!
xoAmy
i am glad that did not upset him like you thought it did.
Comment by robert — July 13, 2008 @ 9:34 am
I have a lot of limits when it gets to this, and would pretty much have felt the same way that you did. It’s just not comfortable to me.
It IS however hot that you lost control like that, YUM!
What you don’t want to hear a Dom say? Pretty much anything that comes out of his mouth means trouble! At this point he could say “nice weather” and I’d freak out, depending on the look in his eyes/tone of his voice. *grins*
Love you guys! Xoxoxoxo
Comment by megan — July 13, 2008 @ 9:47 am
“You hit like a girl” is always a good one (assuming your Dom is a Dom, not a Domme.)
Comment by Luka — July 13, 2008 @ 10:16 am
Luka - it should work even better on a Domme
Comment by megan — July 13, 2008 @ 12:25 pm
Hi, Amy! I’m officially de-lurking– so glad to see you guys posting again!
I’m pretty sure I would do the internal flip-out if I ever accidentally called Daddy a name like that! I’m glad it was what he wanted from you, though
I love reading you guys!
Comment by Daddy's Lucy — July 13, 2008 @ 4:08 pm
Thanks Robert! I think a lesser man would have been upset.
Megan *kisskisskisskiss* Isn’t it amazing how the mildest thing can be as scary as anything depending on their look/voice?
Luka - hahahhahaha That fits into category 3. It would not be possible for me to be drunk or stupid enough to say such a thing.
Hi Lucy! I’m so glad you de-lurked! I don’t think he WANTED me to say that (in fact, he thinks I generally have a bit of a potty-mouth). But I love that he understood what happened.
xoAmy
Comment by Amy — July 13, 2008 @ 7:15 pm
I’m over at Fetlife as well. What a GREAT site!! As well very eye opening to how diverse our cherished choice of lifestyle really is!
orions0404 (or Juli)
Comment by Juli — July 13, 2008 @ 7:35 pm
“”What do you want me to do for you? Tell me what would make you feel good.” Blechblechblechblech. A) Quelle submissive, which is unlikely to turn me on, and B) figure it out for yourself!”"
Truer words were never spoke! I loved the post, you guys keep up the good work.
T
Comment by Trainer — July 14, 2008 @ 5:16 am
There is nothing weirder than coming angrily, whilst hurling insults.
Comment by Z — July 14, 2008 @ 9:07 am
“”What do you want me to do for you? Tell me what would make you feel good.” Blechblechblechblech. A) Quelle submissive, which is unlikely to turn me on, and B) figure it out for yourself!”
Must echo.
I HATE that. I go dry like a … oh, I can’t find it… dry like a … I just want to say: YOU leave, I’ll take care of it myself, thanks.
Comment by sulpiciapast — July 14, 2008 @ 1:10 pm
Sir says it and i hate it -
Come here NOW! (gotta recognize the tone too, it’s just awful)
Sir has never said and won’t -
Is it ok if we have sex now? (I would roll on the floor laughing because I would know for a fact that Sir had been taken over by aliens)
Comment by junebug — July 14, 2008 @ 3:48 pm
Juli, it was great to see you at Fetlife. I’m gonna get banned from it if I keep hanging out there, I think. I got almost no work done today (but that’s another blog post.)
Trainer, thanks for the kind words.
And Z, yes, that was one of the odder things I’ve done. I STILL feel embarrassed about it.
sulpicia - lol I guess I hit a nerve there! So glad to see you cruising the blogs. Now come to Fetlife, my pretty!
junebug - Don’t you wish we could do a little podcast with our Dom’s voices/facial expressions? It’s hard to explain how scary a few simple words can be…
Comment by Amy — July 14, 2008 @ 7:08 pm
Ohmigosh, you’re on FetLife! Yeeeaaaah! I’m one of the greeters, so if you need anything, don’t hesitate to ask. And be sure to look me up - I’m thursdayschild on there!
Comment by Thursday's Child — July 14, 2008 @ 7:09 pm
Fet life is fun i’ve just got into it myself and am not total familiar with the interface.
I’ve have never said anything this os that all you got to a domme, i just look over my shoulder an yawn……….(grin)
If you are interested it’s Cherub_Laws on fet life.
Comment by Cherub — July 18, 2008 @ 5:26 am