Pictures and stories from of a real life 24.7 D/s couple. Richard and Amy explore bdsm, daily life, and each other, from both sides of the relationship.

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March 1, 2008

Thoughts on “A Submissive’s Lament”

Filed under: D/s, Daily Life — Richard @ 7:20 pm


The need of a submissive to be reminded of her status is foreign to me. Not that she needs to be reminded, but that she needs to be reminded in a “new” way.

I didn’t think we had dropped anything out of our interaction, the same old protocols, such as they are, were still being followed and enforced. And yet, clearly, a need Amy has wasn’t being met.

I look to see what has changed, and the migraines have certainly interfered. When she’s sleeping, I hate to waken her for my own uses, because she’s at peace, and who knows what unintended misery I may awaken her to?

We have a weekend together without the kids, our first in a month. We’ll see how that goes.


  1. Pardon me for my verbal intrusion on a personal situation. I feel called to comment because I have a very special relationship with headaches. I’ve had chronic headaches all my life - every day - and for a period in my life these headaches brought migraines, which then eased up a bit from the maximum of twice a week to a more tolerable once every month or less. I’ve had to learn to live with all these headaches, but more importantly for this comment, I’ve had to learn to understand them and work around them, and work with them.

    I may be repeating a lot of things you already know, if so please excuse the educating tone and comment.

    Migraines are mostly stress related. Nothing brings it on as surely as relaxing after a stressful day. I use this to plan grey time in my calendar - if I have something stressful coming up I know that likely the day after will be lost to migraines. Mostly though I try to beat the migraines to it by not getting stressed about things. Planning ahead helps a lot, and to try and live in the moment.

    Then you have the triggers… Migraines are reportedly often triggered by certain things. Today I know my headaches well enough that if I have a certain type of headache I have to stay away from some things or it will develop into a migraine. I also can never have to much of certain things, or I get a guaranteed migraine. Triggers vary from person to person, and they still have not hunted down the exact chemical, but common triggers are chocolate, red wine, lemons, and strong hard cheese. A good suggestion is to try and think back to what happened before the migraine, to see if it was entirely stress related or if something was eaten that brings it on.

    As for how to cope with a migraine once you got one… People are different. They have different triggers, they get stressed over different things, and their migraine proceeds differently. An attack can last anything from a few hours to a few days. A few days of nauseous headaches not being able to do anything is not a nice thought for anyone. My method has always been to sit up. My head feels heavier when I lay down, and it is not comfortable. When I sit up and lean my head softly against something it feels a bit like floating, and the headaches are not as bad. I have a cover near me but not on me because I have found that keeping cold reduces the nausea, and with the headache one really doesn’t think about cold as a problem. A cold gel mask with a blindfold on the outside to cover the eyes from light also helps.

    A gentle neckmassage can help during certain stages early and late on - since it is stress related one is often tense, which brings on tension headaches which prolongs the ordeal. I usually rub my own neck to and from during the attack, when I feel a calm moment is coming. I also use techniques from meditation to relax my body and focus my mind away from the pain. It makes it possible for me to at least think somewhat clearly.

    I do not know if it is these steps or the fact that I am just getting older that has caused the attacks to decrease and shorten, but at the time this usually means I can strike off the first half of a day as sitting in bed, and get things done towards the late afternoon. Now, I just use over the counter headache pills and take several of them before the migraine has gained its momentum. This is the low budget approach. There are medicines out there that have been effective at preventing my migraines, and others that have been somewhat successful at slowing down or stopping an attack if taken in time before the attack starts. A doctor should know about these. (Any stress reducing pill should help prevent, but will need to be taken daily)

    Again, sorry for the unprovoked lecture, I hope maybe something in here can give just a fraction of ease to the troubled. If nothing else, you now know there are other people in the D/s lifestyle that work with the same problems.

    Comment by ChickenMan — March 2, 2008 @ 1:50 am

  2. But surely that too is part of your role, to protect her from unintended misery? I hope you have a great weekend, and that Amy finds her place again. xxx

    Comment by Z — March 2, 2008 @ 1:51 am

  3. you are a wonderful Dom, attentive and considerate, and amy is a lucky sub. i am constantly touched by the loving connection you share. inspiring.

    sending amy healing thoughts for those migraines so that she can feel better…and sending you lots of positive thoughts for a wonderful weekend with your favorite girl…


    Comment by kitty — March 2, 2008 @ 2:34 am

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